hold on tight and don't let go
by when-the-silence-ends
Summary: "If you gain his trust hold on tight and don't let go, no matter what. I don't think the boy can survive that kind of hurt again." Or Naruto and Kakashi realize that they can find a family in each other. part three of the road of life collection


_welp this went differently than i planned._

 _i haven't edited it do please ignore any mistakes unless they are super bad_

 _so yeah, i had trouble with the interaction between kakashi and naruto but its okay_

 _either way i hope you enjoy._

* * *

hold on tight and don't let go

* * *

 _"Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one's own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness."_

 _― **Audre Lorde** , **Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches**_

* * *

When the trees gave way to the reds and browns of Konoha proper, Kakashi couldn't have been more relived. He had been away from the village on a six month long intelligence mission in Kiri. The sight of his village, even though he hated it some of the time, was amazing. He hadn't realized just how much he would miss it since most of the time he was trying to escape it and what it represented to him. (His father, Obito, Rin, Minato and Kushina and most of all Naruto).

After he reported to the third he needed a shower. His uniform made him feel dirty, and the hard surface of his mask was stifling. Then he planned to check on the kid and make sure his fridge was full and the garbage was out. He had been filling the fridge with groceries since he learned that the shopkeepers were overcharging Naruto. But, since he wasn't in the village much he couldn't do it as much as he should. The boy's diet was suffering for it, and it made something ache inside.

Once he was sure the kid would be okay, as okay as possible anyway, he would head back to his tiny apartment to sleep. It hardly mattered that it was mid-morning, he was tired and nothing besides Naruto or an invasion would keep Kakashi from his much deserved rest.

There wasn't much the ANBU agent cared about since the death of his surrogate parents nearly seven years ago. Naruto, his team and his summons were about all that came to mind. But, as with everyone else he cared for, it seemed he couldn't even do that right. Kakashi was bad luck, it was best for everyone if they didn't get too close. This was especially true for Naruto. He didn't want to taint the child anymore than he already was, his heart was so pure and Kakashi didn't want to be the reason it stopped beating. But it hurt, because no matter what he did, the kid that should have been raised as his little brother was suffering.

* * *

The Hokage was thumbing through one of many files on his desk when Kakashi finished his report. He stood at attention , waiting for the eventual dismissal. A few minutes passed and the aging man made no move to dismiss him. It made Kakashi antsy, and it made something cold and heavy spread from his heart to his fingertips. His superior looked up from the file in front of him when his fingertips started to feel numb from the cold, and locked eyes with his through the holes in his mask.

"Thank you for your report Inu," Hiruzen said quietly, his tone of voice worried Kakashi. "Please take off your mask Kakashi, I have something important to speak with you about and I would prefer if it was face to face.

With a sharp nod, made more out of surprise than anything, he pulled off his mask and attached it to his side. His heart seemed to stop momentarily, and Kakashi's next breath felt too thick. ' _Is Naruto okay? That's the only thing I can think that would put that expression on his face.'_ He didn't voice his thoughts; he was too afraid of what the answer would be.

"Four and a half months ago," Hiruzen began softly. "Around nine o'clock, there was a burst of the Kyuubi's chakra in the west district,"

It felt as if someone stabbed him in the heart with a poisoned kunai. ' _Kami please be alive.'_

"I sent out Squad Sparrow immediately. Their initial report was that a civilian had attacked the jinchuuriki and he was severely injured. Jounin Commander Nara Shikaku was already at the scene and had dispatched the attacker. I set out for the location along with Squad Kuro. When I arrived at the location six tails had been released, but it appeared that Naruto was fighting back and had yet to attack anyone. The seventh and eighth rail formed together, but as soon as the ninth tried to form there was a burst of familiar chakra. It would seem that Minato had manage to create a fail safe in the seal using the last of his chakra. After it took effect any damage to the seal was repaired."

Kakashi felt like he might be sick. Someone tried to kill Naruto and nearly succeeded. He forced himself to think straight and focus on the rest of what the Hokage had to say.

"When the chakra cloak faded, Naruto's injuries were healed, and he was unconscious. He didn't awake until the next morning. He was distraught, but it was not for the reason I feared; at least not fully. Minato left an impression of some sort with his chakra. Through this impression he was able to speak with his son. I don't know exactly what happened or what was said, but afterwards Naruto was extremely lost."

"Does he know about me?" He asked, but it was obvious he meant ' _does he hate me'._

"Once he was released from the hospital I showed him his parent's house. I am sure that there is at least a picture of you inside, but I can't be sure that he know about you. From what I've been told by his guards is that he spent the first few weeks reading scrolls from the library. He could have easily read about you if there was an old Bingo Book in the library. He could have also learned about you through the Nara. He met Shikaku one night while he was on one of 'walks' and the encounter eventually led to Naruto spending the night with Shikaku's son. Now he spends time with the Nara's a few days of the week."

"Is he okay? After learning about everything, and almost dying?" Kakashi asked, his voice tight with pain and heavy with guilt.

I am uncertain. His ANBU guard have reported nightmares but that is expected with the trauma. Since he has started socializing with the Nara heir, he's met the other InoShikaCho heirs. From what the reports say Naruto gets along with the three of kids fine but is more comfortable with the Nara. Outside of his interaction with the Nara, he spends inside his home. I made an announcement to village about Naruto's heritage at his request. Ever since the villagers have changed their attitude towards him have done a three-sixty. They've gone from extreme hatred to near hero-worship. The reports say this new attitude makes Naruto uncomfortable so he tends to avoid going out in town. I'm afraid that his isolation will make things worse. Unfortunately Naruto doesn't trust me anymore, so I haven't seen him much since a few days after the attack." Hiruzen paused, his head in his hands. "I failed him Kakashi."

"Hokage-sam-"

"If you gain his trust Kakashi, will you promise me something?"

Kakashi met Hiruzen's eyes once again, this time he could see the depth of emotions there. After a second where understanding passed between the two of them. Kakashi sighed deeply and said. "It depends on what you're asking of me."

"If you gain his trust hold on tight and don't let go, no matter what. I don't think the boy can survive that kind of hurt again." The Third Hokage said the hurt and age weighing down the words.

* * *

Naruto was playing shogi with Shikaku while Choji and Shikamaru were cloud watching and snacking respectively when the silver haired man sushuned into the yard. He nodded respectfully to Shikaku who had lazily turned to stare at the newcomer. He made his move on the game board, winning the game.

"You had be surprised a few times Naruto, you've definitely improved since our last game." He told the pouting Naruto and gave him a lazy smile before speaking to the other ninja. "Hello Kakashi, what brings you?"

"I- I'm here for Naruto actually. I just got back from a long mission and, I heard about what happened…" The unusually nervous Kakashi then turned his attention to the blond boy. "Since your heritage is no longer being hidden I thought it was time I approached you. I;m Hatake Kakashi, your father was my teacher."

"Shikaku-san thank you for the game. Tell Shika and Choji I'll see them tomorrow." Naruto said quietly and stood up from his cross legged position in front of the shogi board.

"Sure thing Naruto."

After giving Shikaku a respectful nod Naruto jumped down from the porch and took a few steps closer to Kakashi. He gave the ninja a once over, comparing him to the photo he found of Kakashi, his father and his pregnant mother. Once he was done, he smiled half-heartedly at Kakashi.

"We can talk at Ichiraku's while I have lunch." He said, and started for the front gate leading into the Nara compound.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Kakashi muttered. "It will be on me."

It became obvious to Kakashi that the villagers were overcompensating for their hateful behavior towards the 'Namikaze heir' that they were treating him like they did his father. Some seemed to pity the child, and would offer him sweets or in the case of merchants, free and discounted items. It threw the blond off and his obvious confusion just made it the treatment worse.

"I can take us there on the rooftops if you'd like to get off the streets." Kakashi offered, annoyed with the villagers.

Naruto looked surprised, it could have been about the offer, or because Kakashi noticed his discomfort, or both. After a moment of contemplation he nodded, and let Kakashi guide him onto his back. They got to the small ramen shop much quicker, especially because they weren't getting stopped every ten or so feet by a guilty villager. He jumped to the ground from the roof across the street of the food stand, and set Naruto back on his feet.

The blond's eyes were wide and he had an honest grin on his face. He giggled, full of adrenaline and childlike energy. He grabbed Kakashi's hand and pulled him to the stand entrance, talking excitedly. "That was so fun, can we do that again after lunch?"

"Sure." The silver haired man smiled, his visible eyes closed to make it obvious.

The pair settled to the right of the stand, the only other patrons in the stand were two older academy students who only spared them a small glace. Ayame, the owner's daughter came over to them, the rag she was using to wipe down the counter in her hand.

"Naruto it's been awhile. I'm glad to see you. Two miso ramen coming up!" She blushed faintly when she turned to Kakashi. "What would you like ninja-san?"

"I'll have the same as Naruto. Thank you civilian-san."

She smiled at the pair once more before walking back into the kitchen. Naruto looked a bit lost in his thoughts, so Kakashi decided to start the conversation.

"I did my best to watch after you. It probably doesn't mean much, but I had to be careful watching over you because others would have figured out you were Minato's son if they noticed you and I interacting." He began not really sure what to say. "I always made sure to leave you food, and birthday presents when I could…"

Naruto's eyes widened in realization, and he turned to Kakashi and said. "I thought that you felt familiar! You left me that stuffed dog last year."

"I feel familiar?" He asked, genuinely shocked.

"Yeah, but from what I've read in my mom's scrolls Uzumaki's in-inherently," The boy struggled with the word for a second before continuing. "Sense chakra. So if you've felt it before you can recognize it again but most are trained enough to seek them out."

The child blushed a bit after he noticed he was rambling. Kakashi didn't mind, though his heart ached. His parent's should have been the one to notice this skill, to tell him what was going on, he shouldn't have had to figure it out through a scroll. He knew how this must have felt. It makes him think of the time after his father's death and he was trying to learn Hatake clan jutsu. He spent a long time looking at the scroll, wondering if his father could have made it simpler, or gave him a tip when he failed to get it down. Kakashi remembered the wetness in the corner of his eyes when he found his father's notes on how their special chakra affected different kinds of jutsu. Those were some of the times where his loss felt so much more. Being surrounded by everything Kakashi's father was, and failing to get close to his memory.

"I know I haven't been around much. But, we were supposed to be raised like brothers. I remember when Kushina-nee told me she was pregnant. She didn't really tell me as much as say that I better be a good big brother. Your father had even asked if I'd help build our nursery because that's what big brothers do…" He let the arrival of their food give time for Naruto to process what he just said. "I'm sorry I wasn't there after you found out- when you got hurt. I'll understand if you want nothing to do with me…"

Naruto didn't say anything until he took a few bites of his ramen. "You wanted to be my brother right? You wanted to be there?"

"I did. When I found out sensei and nee-san were dead, I was sad and hurt but I thought I'd still get to be in your life. I was only a teenager, but I would have been happy to raise you. But the Hokage was hiding your heritage and the village needed ninja so I couldn't. Plus a part of me felt like you may have been better without me. " He swallowed a bite of ramen as he centered himself. "I was wrong. I really am sorry. I should have tried harder to be there for you."

There was silence between the two for a minute. They both finished their first bowl of ramen, and started on the second before any of the two were ready to speak. Naruto bit his lip, and played with his fingers for a second while he figured out what to say. Once he did, he straightened up, and looked directly into his visible eye.

"Would you tell me about my parents? Like where they got my name, or who their best friend was. Things like that? Shikaku-san tells me about my dad sometimes, but you were closer so I, kinda uhm, hoped you could tell me more."

Kakashi looked really sad as he replied. "Of course I will."

"Thank you." Naruto said, before timidly asking. " If we were supposed to be brothers would it be okay if I called you

niisan?"

Kakashi must have looked shocked or something because he added. "I have always wanted a family, and you said we were meant to be, so I thought it'd be okay."

"Naruto that's okay. You can call me niisan if you want to."

"Really Kaka-nii?" Naruto asked, giggling at Kakashi's expression.

Kakashi smiled widely, and reached over to ruffle the blond's hair as he said. "REally Naru-chan."

Something eased in Kakashi's chest, while at the same time his heart clenched painfully. His eyes ached, and he felt like he might cry. He knew what it felt like to want a family. How much it hurt seeing other kids with their families and then go home to an empty house. It reminds him of waking up after those dreams he had of his father or even sometimes his mother and realizing it was all a dream. A dream that felt so far away. It would make him so sad he felt like he would be sick.

Minato had noticed though, and he had forced Kakashi into his apartment's second bedroom. He had been angry until he came home one night after a rough training session to a home cooked dinner and a 'welcome home'.

Kakashi made a promise to himself, one that made his back straighten and his eyes harden in resolve; that he would give to Naruto what his father gave to him. He'd give him a family.

He wouldn't realize until much later that he had gave himself a family too.

* * *

 _"Family is not an important thing, it's everything."_

 _― **Michael J. Fox**_

* * *

 _the next part will have the uchiha and from what i have looselt planned it should be three parts._

 _i hope you enjoyed this_

 _i'd appreciate any opinions and/or thoughts you have_

 _thanks for reading_

 _-haley_


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